WHY TIME RUNS OUT WHAT IS TIME

Standard

The situation is out of control and there is no time for me anymore. YES, i did it again . . .People have control of my life and how i should live in it . . .NOT AGAIN . . .I CAN NOT HANDLE THESE KINDS OF SITUATIONS, how do i allow me,  into this kind of existence?

Dirt

How filthy is this

I do not understand this and i can tell you i don’t think i ever will.

Sure you can say you don’t understand me, and how, can’t, i, understand. { Is it something we are soppost to be taught from birth}? I have no knowledge of this sort of  caliber. I have no control of anything right now.  But i think i can tell you right now i think i feel like i understand that i see the areas of displacement

trash

Why is this allowed to happen?

sort of in my mind’s eye and am not quite sure of the exact point in time a stop, a barrier came into place.  his of course forced me to change  direction . . .FINE WHATEVER . . .IT IS MY FAULT for allowing the barrier, the stop, the roadblock per say

trash

THIS IS TWO GROWN MEN IN MY HOME

to indeed put a stop to me. . .Once again i let someone start telling me what to do in order to make {i guess their, life, more happy}? . . .I’m sorry but i’m just saying . . .Why. Why is it me to allow the block and not the other?  Come on . . .Take a look around . . .Okay some of it is my mess, but those are the places the road blocks were put up,  [so i can hardly count them]. The time,

messy

I have no me time

 for these things,  had been taken away from me causing new lines of action on my part in order to be doing something that i like. [ And if that doesn’t sound crazy or silly or just down right funny, i don’t know what is ]. 

I could be very wrong here but  THEDOGHOUSE has

been trashed once again. 

no home

Why should i be the one cleaning? Not my child.

I strongly feel it is time for a change. 

IS CHANGE GOOD  were going to find out . . .{ laughing}?  Yes. I do not know what to change to get back some of my life . . .Where do i start?  Which Blockage to i meet head on?

Stand back and look at it all . . .START from the beginning, the point where you feel right now . . .Start there, what did you do that was not quite right . . .[Don’t bother thinking you didn’t ], time is everything, time is all you really have.  And don’t kid yourself, i don’t care if you have to take a shit, that is TIME TOO.    TIME 

If i look back,  and see where i let things go wrong,  i am looking at my life shortly after birth. When i did not die. The first time.  Or when i said. Sure why not, for you. Yeah if it makes you happy. Frig if i don’t . . .To many times                     How much time is left. How much longer do i have before i have no time left.

YUCK

This is filthy to me, this is my home, with other people's kids.

When does time run out. What is this time thing i am told of.  Time for what . . .Time for me? That time is gone,  what time for me.Time to move on . . .Why. Time runs out. Why time runs out. Sometimes it’s a pleasure to me.

The time i gave instead of me ran out and now i only have time for me and no time to run around picking up after everyone and cleaning with harsh soaps and disinfecting things and looking for a tidy safe place to sit.

Tidy up

PLEASE find time for me

My time for running around cleaning and taking care . . .Are over . . .I HAVE NOT TIME FOR THIS I CAN NOT GIVE ANY MORE OF MY TIME I NEED TIME FOR ME. It ran out because i let it run out, should i have done things in the beginning right, properly,  none of this would be taking place.  This is my fault and i understand that.  But how do i take charge and change it back to the right way. What did i do wrong in the first place . . .Was it empathy? 

mother soon to be

Yes you can stay my daughter

Was it taking all my pain and feeling it in you causing me to suffer the wrath giving in. How do you change that?  Pick up an i don’t give a shit attitude? I don’t know how to do that unless i am ravaged with a certain anger where i just don’t give a shit.. Those are the impurities of my mind. Cold, cruel, exile and all inhuman for me. Am i here as stepping-stones? Get your free ride here, just don’t get hurt, and can i have a dollar for a loaf of bread. Something there like that.  My time is not your time but somehow it is . . .What about your time for me? OH YEAH . . .[I thank-you for that . . .] she sais as she whistles at the ceiling AND AROUND THE MESSY ROOM. 

So i took my time and washed the dishes and told my daughter i am not cleaning like this ever again. There is no need for me to be cleaning after two grown men, {her boyfriend and his cousin }, and i did not give birth to her,  

 nice

Why can it not look like this all the time

for her to be babysitting them, at their age . . .She made a big sign posting it at the sink. NO more putting dirty dishes in the sink! Rinse them off and put them in the dish washer or wash them.   THANK-YOU.  Maybe i will have time now for some of my things . . .Maybe i will complain about other things before the time runs out.  Maybe i won’t push my luck,  and just see how this sign posting works.  Then maybe get the living tidy and kept that way. then the restroom . There is no need for filth in an adult household.

What the hell . . .How funny is this,  it is not cold in here now. Plus the vegetables i washed and cut up  are cooked.  Ever good . . .Ever hot.

Time is running out as i sort things out in my mind,  telling you all this time consuming crap. I am going to call my son and tell him it has been cold in here for the last two days, and everyone keeps saying it is because of the snowstorm we had for the last two days.  Man oh man . . .I

snowstorm 2012

so cold and so much snow over night

wasted two whole days freezing almost to the bone, {cold red nose], in the house,  and all the furnace is doing,  is blowing  cold air . . .Had i just did what i knew i should have done,  and called my son,  three days ago,  i would not have wasted all this time. 

snow

Had to shovel our way out of the house yesterday

It is about time . . .Heat is blowing in the house now. Turned out to be the igniter switch quit working as it got very dirty.  So my son cleaned it and had to fix the switch and everywhere his friend went on the net,the net,  told my son it was a  red wire . . .All that time he wasted . . .Turned out it was the BLUE wire . . .What matter the wire?  [RED     BLUE ]?  What matter?   KA-BOOM,  matters,  when it i s a GAS,  hook up,  does it not. So

mixed veges

Looks good to me.

now that i ran out of time for cleaning because it was to cold for me to care, i wrote this and took time to wash left over party vegetables and cut them up and put them all together in a roast pan with chicken noodle soup mix and rice with-TEN LARGE PIECES OF RADISH, in the oven for one hour and wait for the oven to over heat the house so i can complain how hot it is.  Then i will take that given time and waste it as i do by not doing anything for being to hot. WOW and time goes round and round. Tic toc  tic toc.

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