Day 14 . . .I was a little appeased to read day 14 on the Calendar. I thought wow i made it 14 days? Wow i didn’t hurt no one, or, go crazy. I guess it is not so bad especially with the calling in the back of my mind, with the little reminders [ it is time for a cigarette ], poking at me.
What i did do wrong was i substituted coffee for tobacco. I need to stop my intake of coffee and drink juice. I hate juice and water and anything without coffee in it. So this is going to be hard for me to start . . .I have to think about the loss of it, all of a sudden, sort of speak. You know . . .I just gave up smoking, and now, right now, i have to stop drinking coffee?
It sounds crazy to do all of a sudden. Because, let me tell you, that there were times when i felt like kicking in some guys teeth, to take his smokes. Or trip down some kid, and get their smokes. But i’m to old for that. I suffer the tobacco in its stead. Besides . . .
I KNOW THAT THIS TYPE OF OUTLET IS WRONG! And that is why i only have thoughts about mean things and not act upon them, as i am not a violent person. What i am saying, is the WAR in me, fighting this battle with tobacco is quite violent. I am shocked as to what kind of thoughts go through my mind when the urge for tobacco attacks my system or something there like that, trying to force me to hurt for tobacco. This drive comes by way of the sides, of my tongue.
I don’t quite understand the hold tobacco has over me, but drinking coffee kind of soothes the urges, holding them at bay. It is obvious to me that i am about to lose a strong weapon against tobacco if i give up coffee. What if i start doing something else like eAt eaT EAT and eat! I know that will happen, then hello to another twenty pounds or so. Tobacco may very well win this time and i will keep the coffee for now or maybe really attack for a smoke of tobacco.
I sure would love to sit and have a smoke because life is like that. But i quit and will make it through another week or two, hopefully without battle wounds.
And right now i can not help but to think crow soup. . . .As i see out my window i have caught the attention of the crows with the table scraps
i tossed out for the rats and other vermin that still may be out. But i see only crows at the gathering all else must be hibernating. And that is another thing i have noticed that i do not go outside anymore that i quit smoking.
As i was outside eight to ten times a day when i did smoke. I miss going out. I am trying to keep clear of all ties that had anything to do with smoking, the only thing left is the coffee. Oh well, tough goes the battle. occuppy my mind with Crow Soup. But every time i snap a picture the crows fly away.